Thursday, 15 March 2012

Bullying

This statement is taken from the Department of Education's advice on bullying!

What is Bullying?
Bullying is behaviour by an individual or group, repeated over time, that intentionally hurts another individual or group either physically or emotionally. Bullying can take many forms (for instance, cyber-bullying via text messages or the internet), and is often motivated by prejudice against particular groups, for example on grounds of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or because a child is adopted or has caring responsibilities. It might be motivated by actual differences between children, or perceived differences. Stopping violence and ensuring immediate physical safety is obviously a school’s first priority but emotional bullying can be more damaging than physical; teachers and schools have to make their own judgements about each specific case.

I wrote a post about my son's experiences at school before, but Chris asked that I take it down, I now wish I hadn't as there have been all sorts of repurcussions!

Monday 12th March 2012
The "bully's" father threatened "I'll make bad things happen to you" to me, on the school premises, in front of mothers with young children! Hideous moment, but you know what, it showed him in his true colours.
We have a meeting with the Head next Wednesday - yes is being taken "that" seriously?????????????

Tuesday 13th March 2012
The father tried to stand in my personal space in the nursery playground in a clear attempt to goad me into a reaction.  I didn't. However once he left the nursery I burst into tears in the nursery cloakroom.  I had to pretend to Scarlett that I'd hurt my knee.

Friday 16th March 2012
Jasper broke down in tears this morning because he doesn't want to hurt people.   This boy is asking them to hurt people or he'll hurt them badly.  Jasper was told to hurt his sister and the other children in our house.  I asked if he'd told the teacher and he said that he hadn't because he thought it better to try and ignore the boy, and didn't want to get told off for blaming?  I can see the confusion :(

I also found out this morning that a mother removed a boy from the school because in Year 1 this boy led him off through a fence off of the school grounds, and took him back to his house!

He also came into the school with £300 in fake £20 notes and was giving them out to the class.

Wednesday 21st March 2012
Met with the Head Teacher and the "SENCO".  It was very long and very centred on Jasper's alleged failings and problems, as opposed to the reason we were there.  It is clear I'm going to have to make a paper trail from now on, as there is nothing on record for the goings on of the last 4 years.

My perception of the event with the father was also questioned by the SENCO, even though it happened in front of lots of witnesses, including the Headmaster???????

I requested an Ed Psycholologist to be called in and the school nurse to be advised of Jasper's anxieties.

Thursday 22nd March 2012
Now the Head has written that Jasper walks and runs funny and "I would be surprised if there isn't a physical problem".  Oh great, so we go in regarding Jasper being bullied but now it appears they want to label him as having physical and emotional and whatever other problems?  Sounds like deflection to me!

Whilst I am happy to support any "findings" and accept any extra support, I do not want the initial problems clouded and the paper trail has started!

24th April 2012
Today I found a note in Jasper's bookpack saying "I hate you and your famelly from......"  Don't know whether to laugh or cry?  I believe I got to it before Jasper saw, and was so grateful child in question signed it!

I wrote to the Head attaching a copy, outlining that this clears up any perception of what Jasper was saying and I trust you will inform the child's father!

No answer to the letter, but I heard child's father was indeed informed, and for a while we had peace!

To be fair to the child's father, had he been kept informed along the way I bet he would have dealt with it, but this we'll never know as convinced the school were scared of dealing with the issue!

Tuesday 12th June 2012
Met the Ed Psyche at the school, along with the SENCO and Jasper's class teacher.  It was clear that Jasper does have anxieties, but otherwise he is just a normal little boy!   We all agreed that his current teacher was fantastic and has been so good for Jasper, and she will be passing on this information to his next form teacher.    They will look at him again in a year.

Nothing much wrong with him then other that what could be expected?

BREAKING  Our current head expelled a Year 6 boy 2 days before the end of school and his retirement. The child in question stabbed another child with a pencil drawing blood.   This particular child hurt so many other children over the years I just despair................

I seriously considered removing Jasper from this school, but with the appointment of a new Head Teacher, locality and Scarlett to consider, I decided to keep him there and see how we go.

September 13th 2012
Head Teacher told me about an incident between Jasper and the other child, probably a bit of handbags, but was at pains to try and let her know about the previous 5 years!

I would say, however, she seems on it, and I am very impressed so far!  No sweeping under the carpet, dealing direct and nipping in the bud - here's hoping............

October 2012
Another girl had been taken out of school and we were told it was for her own family's safety.  The girl in question never spoke to me anway - presumably because she was friends with this boy in question's father.  People were gossiping, as it was news I guess, and I regret passing on a story to someone who I think has done a little stirring.

19th October 2012
The girl I think is stirring the situation told me the girl who left the area heard I was talking about her and her or her boyfriend will "smash my face in next time they saw me, whether I had kids with me or not"  Nice!  After much deliberating, and bursting into tears in Sainsburys, I decided to go to the police.

I cannot get up the stairs to the police station in town, no idea how disabled people access the building, but I googled community safety, I was directed to the the council offices.   Cut a long story short, they said it was a police matter and let me use one of their rooms to phone them.  I told the police I wanted it logged, (case ref 201) in case anything happened to me, and they said that they would go and say something if I wanted them too.   Since I had bumped into the housing people at County offices, they also opened a file on this matter,  though again I asked them not to intervene unless anything else happened!

I came out of County offices and there, sat on a bench, was said lady with her boyfriend.  I walked on and nothing was said.

22nd October 2012
On my way home from school, with all the children there, and 2 other mothers and their children, the boy's father asked me if I'd been talking about his son again as the son told his father I had whispered stupid about him - which of course isn't true!  I was then accused of all sorts of things, which weren't  true, and was accused of assuming what he is like by the way he looks???   Again, not true.  He was shouting in my face, but yet again I kept my voice low and just let him know that I could hear him!    Without going into details he said that someone came to him this weekend and told him what I was saying about the girl who left and someone has certainly been doing some exaggerating.

Unfortunately I have no right of reply..............The other mother's said they would email the school about what they had witnessed, but I asked them to let me sleep on it.

We have since had tears from Scarlett and a very worried and pacing Jasper.

Jasper has now just told me that the boy called Jasper a  c*ck and pushed him into the skipping ropes, he apparently got caught and told off for bullying him.  Am wondering whether this calculating boy then made up a story that I called him stupid, in case he got into trouble...........

I despair!

23rd October 2012
I phoned the Head and made an appointment to see her this afternoon.  To my utter surprise the father had been in to see her first thing and explained that he might have been a bit over the top, but still wanted her to
check whether I had called his stupid, which of course I hadn't!

When I went to pick Jasper up the child in question told me I needed to go and see the head, I explained that I already had but was very confused.  Can only summise that she had seen him and she'd told him she would be speaking to me?

This evening Jasper told me that after the boy came back from the Head's office, he whispered to him "I told her were getting on really well now".  After calling him a c*ck yesterday, this boy is just priceless, having got away with murder for 5 years, he just has to smile sweetly to the teachers, say its all OK and it all moves on.

I had a sleepless night last night reliving what has been going on.  In the old regime when we complained about bullying, instead of doing anything and believing him they actually got the SENCO in!   This SENCO I will have to face in a few years when she will be teaching Scarlett.

For the record, they never did speak to the school nurse as promised, I had to force the matter via the local health centre!

November 2012
New term and child in question already "accidentally" smashed another boy's head into a table.  The boys have learnt that they can't tell on him, whether it be loyalty or being scared - Jasper is certainly scared this boy will hurt him - yet again I - yeah you know despair...............

End of the month and I had a Halleluluah moment, apparently the bully told Jasper "if you want to be in my gang you have to step on everybody's toes", Jasper replied "I don't want to be in your gang *does a little dance.

Whilst I am very upset all this has happened I am so happy that Jasper has reached this point, and has the confidence to stand up to him.   I told his teacher, being at pains not to tell the bully off, just to let her know, I love her, she said that Jasper gave the "right answer".   I am finally feeling better about the whole thing!

10th December 2012
So the child in question kicked Jasper today.  To be fair the Head was on it, and came to see me personally to say that said child will have a consequence.  I was also informed that this child's father, the one who verbally abused me twice, is receiving help with his anger issues!!!!   Really having to bite my blogging tongue here!

Luckily, it was Ancient Greek day and Jasper was so excited by all that he'd experienced that he didn't seem that bothered, happy with that - well as happy as you can be!!!!

Annie x

5 comments:

  1. I really think that the school should be stepping up to the mark here and very quickly. It is unacceptable that this has happened. You cannot be made to feel intimidated by another parent when you are bringing your child to school. As well as reporting it to the school, you need to report it to the police in case it escalates.

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    1. We are seeing the Head next Wednesday and whilst every part of me says I should call the police, to be honest I am scared and very much intimidated! I want to make sure the school will back me if I take that action as it was on their premises in front of many credible witnesses! Still scared though :(

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