Bribery, Incentive or Threat.........Motivation, Reward..........oh my poor head!

The following are definitions from the good ole Oxford English Dictionary.

Bribery:           
"dishonestly persuade (someone) to act in one’s favour by a gift of money or other inducement"

Incentive:       
"a thing that motivates or encourages someone to do something"

Threat:            
"a statement of an intention to inflict pain, injury, damage, or other hostile action on someone in retribution for something done or not done"

I have heard these three words used regularly, by parents, when trying to motivate(???) their children to do something for them/themselves/society!  It is one of my little bug bears, (of which there are many), but when I hear the words bribe or threaten levied at me, I am always quick to say NO I like to offer an incentive.   Although arguably said incentive can be used in a threatening way.

The whole thing we need to think about though, IMHO, is -  who is going to benefit or gain from the action/achievement?   I believe this is the crux as to the success of said role-play, which let's be honest, is what it comes down to.

As children develop there are very obvious mile-stones........ crawling, standing up, walking, toilet training, dressing themselves etc.   I have video footage of me trying to get Jasper to walk towards me, whilst holding out some chicken. It is cringe-worthy, and to be honest the reason why I have been thinking about this post.  It didn't harm him, he did in fact take the bait (ouch), but my running commentary mentions "donkey" and "carrot", well done mummy
oh dear!

Anyhoo, I digress........The right incentives can be successful with your children, if you know what works for them.  Sticker charts did nothing for Jasper, he didn't get it, but I know they can work very well for some.   I remember going to see a teacher in school and they said I must be very proud of all the gold stars Jasper had for his work?  I knew nothing of it, it didn't occur to him to tell us.  Whilst the teacher saw this as a reward for good work, to Jasper it was just a random sticker.

Fast forward, and all those development mile-stones pretty much achieved, and I have been trying, without success, to motivate/incentivise my children to do other things regularly...... open curtains, make beds, put shoes/clothes away etc.   Don't get me wrong, they are good kids and not complete slobs, but they will not take on board MY requests, and you know what, it's because its MY want and not their gain.  In this case, absolutely nada will help with this matter, and I have to get over it.

I have worked out that I am the only person in this house who cares what it looks like.  I wondered about going on strike, but I know I couldn't cope. Again, who is the only one stressing here, why MOI of course!

So here it is, I'm giving up.   The house will be a lot calmer without me running around demanding such actions in return for something they don't really care for.   I'll no longer have to hear them pleading "but I forgot".   Instead I will concentrate on equipping them with life-skills that will take them forward, as long as I can come up with good reason for them to take them on board.

Have I failed?  No I don't think so.  I believe I have just worked out what will work here, and make us all a lot happier as a family.   I still have my standards, but if I want to maintain them then that's up to me.    

Now, having said all that, "Reward" is another word to throw into the mix, and having worked out what does motivate my children, these will be used as required.

Jasper - money for Mr Simms, use of XBox, Heelies
To be used for:  achievement of Times Tables....to be updated as required.

Scarlett - money...........
To be used for:  tbc, not had to be used as yet as she is very keen at school, but will remember for future.

AND these should NEVER be removed due to another misdemeanour, the reward must stand whatever!

Thanks for reading, would love to hear your opinions?

Annie x

First Baby, second baby, third baby

My SIL, who has 3 children, gave me a cutting from a newspaper with this title.  It was 2003 and I was pregnant with Jasper who is now 8.   I found it randomly in my address book today, and now I have 2 it did make me chuckle, so I thought I'd share!

Scarlett, 2nd baby, that's OK right?

Maternity clothes
1st Baby:  you begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as it's confirmed you're pregnant.
2nd Baby: you wear your normal clothes for as long as possible.
3rd Baby: your maternity clothes now ARE your  normal clothes.

Preparing for the birth
1st Baby:  you practise your breathing religiously.
2nd Baby: you don't bother because the last time it didn't do a thing.
3rd Baby: you ask for an epidural in your eighth month.

The first clothes
1st Baby:  you pre-wash, colour-coordinate and fold the baby clothes neatly.
2nd Baby: you make sure that the clothes are clean and discard only the ones with the darkest stains.
3rd Baby: boys can wear pink, can't they?

Dummies
1st Baby:  if the dummy falls on the floor you go home to wash and boil it.
2nd Baby: you wash it off with some juice from the baby's bottle.
3rd Baby: you lick it to get the fluff off!

Activities
1st Baby:  you take your infant to Tumble Tots, Baby Swing and Baby Story Hour.
2nd Baby: you take your infant to Tumble Tots.
3rd Baby: you take your infant to the supermarket.

Going out
1st Baby:  the first time you leave your baby you call home five times.
2nd Baby: just before you walk out of the door you remember to  leave the sitter your number.
3rd Baby: instructions to sitter are.....to call you only if she sees blood.

Enjoy!
Annie x

Top Tips for you/your child starting out in school :)

Thought I'd jot down a few tips for parents whose child will be starting formal school soon!

1) If you are going to expose them to the alphabet, teach them lower case!  I bought my son a magnetic fridge game and he knew all his Capital Letters, but was of no use starting formal education!

2) Get somebody to get contact details for all the other parents of the class, it comes in handy for reminders of non-uniform days and clarification of homework etc.

3) Its a good idea if they can put on and take off their own coats and shoes etc., but don't stress if they can't!  My son couldn't until after day 1 when he saw everyone else doing it themselves!!!!

4) If you want to take your child out of school for a holiday, remember that you are not legally bound to send them for formal education until they are 5, so don't worry before then.  Also, schools are marked down for "unauthorised" absence!  A lot of schools, like ours, do authorise leave, particularly in the first couple of years.

5) Remember, as I have to do now and again, that they all get there!  I feel there is too much emphasis on homework too young.  From 4yo (late born boy) we had 3 books, spellings and maths homework every week!  I often remind his teachers of the things he is good at ;)

I want to be mum to my child not teacher, I want to bring them home, talk to them, give them tea, bath and put them to bed - well I want my OH to do the latter, but you get the gist!  I do not want be arguing over homework and spellings! 

Oh, and never forget (well in my case anyway) ;)

Would love to hear other people's top tips to compile a bigger list :)

Annie x

#30dayblog thanks to @Nikkipilkington